


Neon Emotions

by dddecay



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Depressed Peter Parker, Irondad, M/M, Marvel Cinematic Universe - Freeform, Peter is depressed, Self Harm, Teenage Peter Parker, The Avengers - Freeform, i don't know how to tag, sad spidey, self harming peter, spiderson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 16:04:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19023289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dddecay/pseuds/dddecay
Summary: Peter finds himself sobbing in the kitchen, the lines on his wrists a siren to Tony.





	Neon Emotions

Amazingly, as soon as Peter woke up he managed not to projectile vomit all over his lap. He wasn’t sick or anything, it was just the stress of the past two weeks. After the entire Vulture mishap after Homecoming, Peter had been trying so hard to keep the Avengers from knowing anything about the battle. Believe me, he had tried so hard, but repressing his emotions after that trying experience made him wish he had let it out. But now it was too late. Since it had passed, Peter didn’t believe that it would help any further to let it out. He was already a nuisance, a broken, worthless-

No, he couldn’t think like this. Not now. He had to get out, go patrol, do something other than let his brain get the best of him. Without a second thought, he slid his suit out of his yellow backpack and searched for his mask, getting frustrated when he couldn’t find it. Digging through the drawers in his room, JARVIS let out a quiet notice.

“Peter, you seem to be in emotional distress. Would you like me to alert Mr. Stark?”

“No, no! Don’t wake him up, please.” Peter still hadn’t gotten over how strange it was to have someone constantly looking over his every move while he was ‘alone’. Did it count as alone even when there was an AI looming over you?

“-er? Peter, you haven’t been responding. Do you wish for me to alert Mr. Stark?”

“No.”

With the silence surrounding him shortly after, he realized that his mask was nowhere to be found in his room. An aggravated grunt escaped his lips as he realized it must be somewhere else in the tower, most likely in the common room. He couldn’t go look for it this late at night, because someone might be awake… Peter shoved his suit back into the pack and let his thoughts consume him. Go back to bed… If he just went back to bed he’d be okay…

The warming presence of the serrated knife under his pillow filled his distressed mind, and before his brain could make him grab it he leaped out of bed and charged out of the room. Peter walked to the kitchen and filled a glass with water, sliding down into the corner behind the small island. A voice startled him out of his thoughts.

“Hey, kiddo?” Peter felt his body tense up.

“H-hi Mr. Stark. Wh-what’s up?”

 

“Just wonderin’ what you’re doing here at 4 in the morning, kid.”

“I’m sorry. It just… It got too loud.”

Tony felt his heart contract, feeling for the kid who somehow managed to sink into himself. “What do you mean?”

“I… I couldn’t be in my room. It was too loud, and I knew it was there, but I didn’t want to disappoint you again-”

“Whoa, whoa. Underoos, what do you mean?”

“The- Wait, you d-don’t know?”

“No.” Tony’s felt anxiety course through his veins, his suspicions growing. He watched as the kid fidgeted with his sleeves, and Tony saw red, thin lines on his wrists. “Peter.”

The word was stressed, and Peter realized he had been scratching the fast-healing cuts on his wrists. He looked up, tears welling up into his eyes.

“Mr. Stark, I don’t wanna be here anymore.”

A sharp inhale from across the island.

“I just- I can’t do this anymore. I want to be dead, I don’t know what it’s like to feel okay anymore.” A sob erupted from Peter’s chest as he felt his mentor judging him, knowing that he was nothing more than a fucked-up kid who didn’t deserve to be here anymore. He would be kicked out of the Avengers, and Aunt May would find out-

“Peter.” A hand rested on Peter’s shoulder, and he was pulled into a tight hug. “I understand, Peter. Please, please talk to me.”

“I- I feel so bad. I j-just don’t wanna feel so bad anymore.” Peter choked through sobs. “Hurting myself is the only way I can get it out, I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to disappoint you, but I just can’t do it anymore…”

Tony said nothing and just shushed the boy as he cradled him in his arms, his head running in circles. I can’t live without this kid, what if he ends up killing himself? I wouldn’t be able to live with that.

“Kid, I want you to know that you’re not alone. All of us, even Capsicle, has gone through these feelings. It’s being brave that keeps you going, and I need you to be brave. You’ll get through this, and we’ll be here for you every step of the way.”

Peter cried into Tony’s chest, grabbing a fistful of his shirt as he wept.

“I’m so proud of you, Underoos.”

“I’m so proud of you, underoos.” Tony had whispered. Peter scooted away from Tony, rage fueling his mind. He was the one who killed Uncle Ben. He was the reason Aunt May left. Peter himself was the reason everything bad in Queens happened. The pain rested on his shoulders, and it had finally gotten to his head.

“How could you be proud of me?” He screamed. “I’ve done everything wrong! I’ve killed so many people! You don’t understand, Mr. Stark.”

Tony was taken aback, as his kid broke down in front of him. “Peter-”

“No! You don’t get to talk!” Peter sobbed. His voice lowed to a pathetic whisper. “It’s all my fault, it’s all my fault, it’s all my fault…” Red lines began to seep through his hoodie as the cuts on his arm re-opened, the crimson blood freely pouring out as Peter got to his feet and jumped around Tony. He approached the window and reached for the lock as Tony began running to him. He needed to get out, get out, **get me out!**  Everyone knows, they know how fucked up I am, they know how worthless I am, they're going to make me go into the system, no more. Tony grabbed Peter’s arms and held him back, as the small teen’s body thrashed and sobbed.

“I’m so sorry, Peter. I’m so sorry.” Tony whispered.


End file.
